


Nineteen Forty-Three

by noacfcallum



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Love/Hate, M/M, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn, War Crimes, World War II
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:07:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23772793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noacfcallum/pseuds/noacfcallum
Summary: Callum was trying to hang on to the small amount of hope his life provided, and as he was beginning to believe there was nothing left, he meets Ben.Ben is something interesting, the first thing Callum can call exciting in ages. Ben is fascinating, riveting and so absorbing. Criminal. Eventually curiosity gets the better of him, and Callum allows Ben to take him down with him to a life where he begins to feel alive again.But at what cost when they are living in 1943, where not only a world war is happening, but it's definitely illegal to be gay.Two boys, seen as criminals in the eyes of the law, begin a journey where eventually they'll have to make a decision.But is it all worth it?
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 8
Kudos: 31





	1. Suffocation

**Author's Note:**

> A/N:This is a story set in a time where it was, unfortunately, illegal to be gay in England. And initially i was hesitant about writing it, as I could have just written a much happier story set in this generation. But, I've had this idea for a while and thought it might be interesting to explore what life was like to be queer in this time. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoy the first chapter. x

If hell was real, Callum had convinced himself that he was already living in it. But then again, he was barely even living. 

The only moments he was reminded of the painful reality that he existed, is when he watched her move, or when he heard her talk. Or even when he decided to stare at her instead of the walls or the ceiling in the mornings. 

He remembers a time when he used to push away these thoughts, because he did love her once. Now everything was so, so different and he struggled to tolerate spending more than five minutes in the same room as her. Yes, this was definitely hell. 

"You are fine with us going tonight, yeah?" His wife looked up at him, eyes hopeful as she placed her fork down to her plate. 

He would have smiled, given her some form of reassurance that showed her they were still okay. But it had been so long since he felt true happiness, and all the forced smiles became less and less convincing. 

"Yeah, Mary." He replied, his voice so tense he could almost see the words floating in the air in front of him. And Mary wasn't stupid, she heard it too. 

Callum stood from his seat at the table, leaving his plate by the sink. He used to offer to help do the washing up, once. 

"I have to work until six." He was lying. He could finish earlier if he wanted, he ran the kitchen that cooked food for the army and could easily leave his work for someone else to do. But that would mean more agonising hours of silence. Either that or the occasional nag from Mary about how he doesn't try anymore. And the nagging would lead to shouting, and the shouting would lead to an argument, which would lead to the same resentful silence that would be there when they weren't fighting. 

It was the same, boring shit. Predictable. And Callum wondered how much more he could take. 

"Why so late?" Mary questioned. Walking over to the doorway Callum was now standing in.

"You know why." He sighed. "It's not easy running a whole kitchen at a time like this." 

Mary almost went to say something, question him further. But Callum had already made his way out of the door and shut it, loudly.

—

Work was significantly more tolerable. He thought of it as his only escape and seeing how he got to work with his best mate, Scott, he considered it much more enjoyable than home.

He arrived and immediately entered the kitchen, breathing in the smell of fresh bread and spices. He was fortunate enough to have a job that was also his hobby, and while he was cooking, he almost forgot about how miserable he was when he wasn't there. Just almost.

"Hey Cal, you're early." Scott gave Callum a welcoming smile as he pushed a tray of bread into an oven. "You know you don't start until eight, right?"

"I could say the same for you. Weren't you supposed to be taking your kids to school this morning?" Callum responded. Even just talking to Scott had the ability to improve his mood. 

"No, Sarah had nothing on, so she offered." 

Callum liked it like this. Pointless talk about anything other than war of his wife, he was able to breathe. Home felt too suffocating, and it shouldn't. Sometimes he wondered why he still put up with it all, but deep down he knew why. 

The day went by reasonably smoothly. Callum and Scott talked aimlessly as they prepared meals that would eventually be sent off to all the soldiers and any leftovers would make their way to the rich for their monthly parties. It used to anger Callum, those rations could have been given to the less fortunate, but instead they were stolen away for their useless monthly parties. Eventually Callum just got used to it. It was just the way it was.

Callum let out a deep laugh. "Scott you can't do that!" 

"Come on, it's just a bit of fun." 

Scott layered the chocolate cake he had just made with a thick coating of gravy, while quietly chuckling to himself. 

"We shouldn't be wasting rations like this." Callum said, but he couldn't hide the grin forming on his face.

"It's been sitting in the back of the cupboard for months. No one was bound to use it anyway." He gestured to the now empty gravy packet. 

Silently grinning to themselves, they sat the cake down on one of the kitchen counters, waiting for Matt, another colleague of theirs to return from his break.

And when he did, Callum watched as Scott innocently offered him some cake. They both moved away from Matt to lean against the counter, awaiting his reaction. 

"You bloody bastards!" Matt immediately yelled while running to the nearest bin. "That was disgusting!" The two boys couldn't contain their laughter as they watched Matt violently scrape his tongue with a spoon. 

"That's a bit dramatic, ain't it?" Callum managed to say through his seemingly endless laughing fit.

"Oh really? You want to give it a try? It's fucking grim!" 

"Alright, no need for the language." Scott said through his cackling, earning an even louder laugh from Callum. 

—

After work, he was reminded of the harsh reality of what he had to go home to, and mentally prepared himself. Every night, he made sure to walk slowly, taking in the sun as it set amongst the city. If Callum still had an ounce of hope in him, he would have called it beautiful. And for a moment, it did distract him. Just not for long enough. 

Callum let himself in through the front door when he got home and immediately knew something was off. That's when he heard voices coming from the living room. He took two steps forward and listed. Mary's voice could be heard, followed by low, deep voice of a man. Callum froze as he realised. 

Mary's father. 

A deep sigh slipped from Callum's lips as he made his way towards the living room. And the hell continues.

"Mr Hughes." Callum's voice broke the conversation in the room as both Mary and her father looked up at him. 

"Ah, Callum. We've been waiting for you." Mary's father spoke, a clear frustration layered in the air as he spoke. 

"I did say I'd be home by six, Mary." Callum stated, trying his very best not to exaggerate his annoyance with the man's presence. It was bad enough he had to deal with Mary tonight, but now him?

"Yes well, I am at liberty to visit my own daughter and her husband as I please, am I not?" Mr Hughes' lips tightened into a venomous smile. "Besides, it's not like you're doing much these days, I didn't see any problem with an unexpected visit."

"I had work."

"Callum." Mary finally spoke, warning her husband. 

"How is work?" Her father pressed. 

"Fine, fine." Callum knew he didn't really care. He just wished he would get to the point. "Is there any other reason you're here this evening."

He was trying to be polite, he really was. But he couldn't stand the man. 

"What are you implying, Callum?" He spoke fast, the tension in the room immediately increasing.

'Nothing, sir. It's just that you said you had been waiting for me." Callum saw Mary shift in her seat ever so slightly in the corner of his eye. He didn't dare tear his eyes away from her father, though.

"Why is it that you've been married to my daughter for two years, and still you haven't given her any children." His eyes narrowed.

And there it was. Callum fought back the urge to punch him. 

"Mr Hughes, I am asking you to leave my home before I do something I regret." 

Mary's father stood, then. Taking two large steps towards Callum, bringing their faces only inches away from each other. Callum grew worried that he could hear his heart beating in his chest if he moved any closer. He clenched his fists, preparing for the worst.

But the worst was yet to come. 

"I'll let myself out." And he was leaving.  
Even from across the room, Callum felt Mary's shoulder's relax and a sigh of relief escaped her lips once she heard the front door close behind her father. 

If Callum had any patience left at the beginning of today, this had ruined that completely. 

"How fucking dare him?" Callum almost screamed. "I mean, can you believe his nerve?" 

Mary's head shot up to her husband. "You were hardly any better, threatening my own father like that."

"Me? Seriously Mary? He comes into my home to torment me, and you'e blaming me?" He did not want to do this tonight. 

Mary didn't reply, instead she stood and stormed into the kitchen. Fine then, Callum thought. He made his way upstairs to get unchanged, and sent himself to bed, not caring that it was only half six in the evening. He layed there, absorbing the silence.


	2. Remorse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! I've writted another chapter for anyone who's interested in reading more. I hope you enjoy!

Callum had woken up before Mary that morning, and decided to leave before either of them had to force themselves through the awkwardness after last night's events. Besides, he had to leave early before the queue for rations got too long. 

Mary had gone on and on one day about how easily Callum could make life for himself if he just took some extra food from his work. 

"You want me to _steal_ from my own kitchen?" 

"What would be the harm in it? We're in the middle of a war, Callum. We have to fend for ourselves." She didn't look at him once while she spoke.

"Easy for you to say. You're not the one stealing anything." 

Callum sighed, he remembered the conversation too vividly for his liking. He shook his head, as if he was trying to shake any thoughts of Mary away. 

The kettle had just about boiled when Callum heard the telephone right from the the living room. He checked his watch to see it was only half seven, who could be calling this early? 

Callum didn't let his mind wonder for long as he picked up the telephone as soon as he got to it. 

"Hello?" He spoke into the telephone, his voice deep and raspy from sleep. 

"Callum? It's James." The man's voice was stern, almost angry.

Shit. His boss. 

"Hello, James. May I ask why you're calling so early?" Callum tried to hide his surprise, it being difficult as his boss never called him. He couldn't even remember the last time he saw him in the kitchen.

"I was recently informed of the little stunt you and Mr Clark pulled at work yesterday." 

Callum felt like his heart had just stopped. Maybe it did. Surely it couldn't have been this serious? It was only a packet of gravy. 

This didn't stop Callum from struggling to get out any words to reply. "Oh, I um-"

"I've known you for a long time Callum. I must say this behaviour is extremely out of the ordinary." His voice remained stern, but now Callum could hear a slight disappointment there. It hit him like a tonne of bricks.

"I'm so, so sorry, sir. I can assure you nothing of the sort will happen again." He felt himself begin to panic. He cannot lose this job. It would kill him.

"I will admit this did put a suspension into consideration. Not just yours, Scott's as well. Of course." 

A suspension? Not only for a loyal, hard-working member of staff, but the head chef, too? Surely this is being blown way out of proportion.

"Fortunately for you, I'm well aware of how long you both have worked here, and how much you have contributed since this war started. Enough to vouch for you and Scott." Callum exhaled through his nose. "This is simply a warning."

"I understand. Thank you, sir." 

"I've already called Scott to give him the same warning last night." James' sighed into the telephone. "I did try to get in contact with you last night, also. However, your wife was the only one available when she picked up." 

Oh god. Did Mary know? 

"My apologies. I decided to get an early night." He felt the panic set in once again. "I hope speaking to my wife wasn't too much trouble."

"Don't worry. It wasn't my place to tell her what happened yesterday." Callum supposed that was his was of saying he didn't want to get him into trouble.

"Thanks again, sir. Is that all you called for?" 

"Yes, that's all." He let out a sigh of relief. "Goodbye, Callum."

The call ended and Callum felt like he was going to collapse. He had never come that close to losing his job before, and all over a stupid joke with his colleagues. He cannot even imagine what his life would be like without it, however, so he knew that he wouldn't dare to do anything of the sort again. 

His thoughts shifted to how James knew about the incident. He hoped it wasn't Matt who told him. Callum sighed as he decided to ask Scott at the party that was happening later. The one Mary invited them to without even bothering to ask.

Callum made himself a cup of tea before getting himself dressed and ready for the day. Well, as ready as he possibly could be. 

He walked down the stairs and into the kitchen to open one of the drawers to pick up his ration book, and shoved it into his jacket pocket. When the books were first introduced, Callum would forget to bring it with him when he went to pick up rations. He forgot so often that he can't even count the amount of times he had waited hours in the queue, only to get to the front and find his pockets empty. After three years of it though, the book was printed into his memory. 

The walk to the food office was peaceful. Callum did enjoy walking on his own, especially in the mornings when most people were only just waking up for work, leaving the streets calm and chaos-free.

When he got to the office, the queue wasn't awfully long. Seeing as it was earlier in the morning, only around ten people were standing in line. Callum decided it was tolerable and walked over to join the queue. 

Over the past three years, he had learnt all kinds of ways to keep himself busy while waiting in these lines. The one he used most often, though, was simply eavesdropping. He and Mary did it all the time while they waited. Even Callum could admit it was quite fun to listen in in other people's business, purely just for entertainment. One of the things he did enjoy about his and Mary's relationship, was that when they were in a decent mood, they had the ability to take the piss out of any situation.

He remembered when he was once waiting in one of the longest queues he had ever witnessed at the food office with Mary, and they had overheard a conversation between a man and his wife. 

"Have you ever been handcuffed?" The woman had asked.

"Do you mean sexually or by law enforcement?" 

Callum and Mary couldn't control themselves, they burst out laughing in the queue while everyone stared at them like they were mad. 

Admittedly, Callum did sometimes enjoy Mary's company. It was a shame that it was only about five percent of the time he spent with her that were times like this. 

Eventually Callum got to the end of the queue and was faced with a pale, young woman with way too much energy for eight in the morning. 

"What can I get for you?" Her voice was loud and cheerful, it reminded Callum of how those women talked in the American movies Mary liked to watch, with too much enthusiasm than Callum was used to.

He opened his jacket pocket to pull out his ration book, which also had his list of food that he always carried inside the book. This way he wouldn't end up forgetting something that they needed, and therefore Mary wouldn't have a reason to start an argument. 

Callum read out each item on the list, hoping that they'll have everything. He managed to get through to the last item on the list, somehow successfully achieving every item. Finally, he read out the last item

"Lucky you, this is the last of the cheese." She placed a small block of cheese with the rest of Callum's rations and glanced down to his hands, waiting for him to hand over his ration book. 

"Ah, yes. Here you are." He placed it in her hand and watched her stamp off today's date. 

"Thank you, sir." She smiled, watching Callum walk away from the queue. 

He had just stopped and moved off to the side, opening up the paper bag to analyse it's contents and double-check he got everything, when he heard a loud conversation coming from the queue. 

He looked up and saw a man, who he had never seen before, attempting to start a fight with the woman handling the rations. 

"Look, I know I've lost my book, but can't you let me off just this once? It's just this once, I swear. Scout's honor!" The man spoke loudly. Callum couldn't decide if he was desperate or just plain childish. 

"No. If you don't have your book with you, I cannot hand out any rations to you." Somehow, these events had made the woman's mood switch from cheerful to cold and serious and she glared at the man. She has clearly dealt with her fair share of these types of people.

The man must have felt the large amount of people that had stopped to stare at the commotion happening in the queue, because he whipped his head round to stare straight back at Callum. 

"What are you starring at? If you want a picture, I shall mail you one for Christmas." followed by a smirk in Callum's direction. 

Normally Callum would look away, go back to his own business. He wasn't one to get involved in other people's drama. It was too much effort that took up too much energy that he did not have. 

But this man had caught his attention. He was wearing a long, grey, white and black plaid jacket over a dark, silk black dress shirt. No one dressed like that in a food office. He stood out like a sore thumb. 

The man's eyes traveled from Callum's to the paper bag he was holding in his arms. He grinned and turned back to the woman.

"Fine, if you're going to be like that." He made his way over to Callum, with this strong determination in his eyes that made Callum question why he wasn't walking away from the situation this instant. He didn't get involved in things like this, why is this time so different? 

"If you keep your face like that any longer, the wind will change and it'll be stuck that way." Callum realised his expression was an embarrassing picture of both shock and confusion.

"Hello?" The man waved his hands in front of Callum's face vigorously. "Can you talk?"

Callum's eyes narrowed. "What is your problem?"

"And he speaks!" The man exclaimed, clapping his hands in an exaggerated celebration. "Listen, I have to ask a favour of you." 

Callum didn't like the sound of that at all. He should have walked away earlier while he could. He stared back at the man, his expression quickly adjusting from dismayed to frustrated. 

"Favour? You can't be serious." Callum didn't even bother to hide his annoyance. Favours are things you ask of your mates, or close family members. Not random strangers you see at the fucking food office. 

"Yes, a favour. You do know what the are, don't you?" The grin forming on his face only seemed to become more extreme. 

Callum almost gave in out of pure curiosity. But his urge to get away from the situation was much stronger, so he rolled his eyes and went to turn away from the man. 

"Wait, wait." His grin had disappeared when Callum turned back to look at him. How desperate was he? 

"You have quite the amount of rations there. It's only fair that you share some with the rest of us, don't you think?" 

Callum refused to believe what he was hearing. Was this man serious asking for some of his rations, after he made the mistake of losing his own ration book? He didn't even entertain the question with an answer. 

He made a swift turn away from the man and began walking away when he heard, "Please, mate." 

Mate? Who does this guy think he is? 

Callum replied, clearly annoyed, "Do you honestly think that will work? If you don't mind, I've got places to be." Callum stated, knowing this conversation won't be going any further. 

The man laughed. "You are joking right? There's nowhere to go, mate." 

"Just leave me alone, yeah?" Callum makes another swift turn away from the man and stormed off towards his house. He could still feels the man's eyes burning into the back of his head as he walked. What was that? Fucking weirdo.

—

Callum considered telling Mary what happened at the food office on their drive to the party, just so he could fill the uncomfortable silence in the car. She must have noticed because she kept glancing at him. 

Finally, she asked him. 'Cal, are you alright?" 

"Fine, why?" He regretted asking the minute the words left his mouth. 

"You look like there's something on your mind."

"Just work. Nothing to worry about." He lied. But it was believable enough for her to aim her focus back to the window.

They remained in silence for the rest of the journey there, it was when they arrived when Mary spoke again.

"Callum?" 

He hummed in her direction, signalling her to go on.

"I love you." 

Callum swallowed, hard. It was so loud that he was so sure she heard. 

Even though she had said those exact words a hundred times before, they still had the ability to make Callum feel like he couldn't breathe. He despised them. And not only because he felt like he was lying, but because he had realised a long time ago that he would never truly be able to say those words to someone and actually mean it. 

"I love you too."

—

The room was dark, but large enough to fit at least a hundred people inside. Callum prepared himself for a long evening at a dinner party with a hundred people he did not know. 

Thankfully though, he caught sight of Scott with his wife at a bar to the far right of the room. Maybe the evening wouldn't be as agonizing after all. 

Mary's arm was wrapped around Callum's as they spotted her father. They knew he was going to be there, but there was still a slight tension between them even from across the room.

"We'll have to speak to him." Her voice was so low it was almost a whisper. 

Obviously, that was the last thing Callum wanted to do. But it was unavoidable. 

"Promise me you'll try. Please Callum, for me." He looked down at her, looking straight into her pleading eyes. 

"Alright." He didn't know why he agreed. Maybe it was because he understood where Mary was coming from, seeing your husband and father arguing like this must've been awful. And he wasn't heartless. 

They walked up to him with their arms still intertwined. It felt fake to Callum, like they were only doing it to put on a strong front. As if to say, 'We don't live in constant repentance.'

Callum put on his best smile and Mary spoke first. "Good evening, father." 

"Mary." Her father looked at them like the last time they met never happened. "Callum."

"Hello, sir." He looked to Mary as if he didn't know what to say, because he didn't. 

"How have you been?" She sounded strong, like suddenly had this new profound determination to make a connection between her father and her husband. 

"I'm doing well." He cleared his throat and looked back to Callum. "The food here is excellent, wouldn't you say?" 

"I haven't had the chance to try it, sir." 

"Then would you mind coming to the bar with me, I would love to hear any of your professional opinions." 

Callum turned to Mary, giving her a look that asked if she minded if he went. She nodded in response and plastered on a smile.

The two men took the last stall seats at the bar while Mary's father requested some samples. He suddenly realised he didn't know what to do with his hands as he awkwardly fidgeted with them, before finally deciding to fold his arms entirely on the bar counter. 

"So, Mr Hughes." Callum leaned closer to the counter. "Everything's going alright at the clinic, I assume?"

"Yes, though there are times when things do get rather stressful." 

"How so?" Callum found it quite easy to be civil when the man wasn't being a complete dick.

"Just last week, a patient came in with a minor back pain. After being told we couldn't do anything for him, he attempted to instigate a physical fight with me." 

"Jesus." Callum fortunately did not have to work with the public, so he almost never experienced anything like this.

"And he didn't stop there. I managed to get him out, but as soon as he left he tried to start another fight with the receptionist." 

"I can't imagine, sir." Callum said as the barman returned with their drinks.

"It is what it is." Mary's father said, his voice had become low and calm. Callum almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

"Well, at least you have tonight off. You should take advantage." 

"Yes, agreed." Mr Hughes said, reaching for his drink and downing it in one shot. 

The barman returned once again to place their samples on the counter in front of the two men. 

"Here, try this one." Mary's father slid a sample with a small slice of fried chicken with a small wooden toothpick stabbed through it in Callum's direction. He picked it up carefully and bit half of it off and chewed it slowly. 

Callum very rarely had the chance to appreciate good food. It was hard to actually enjoy tasting it if you're in a constant foul mood. But he could safely say this was possibly the best chicken he has had in ages. 

"It's excellent." He whispered as if he didn't want to ruin the moment.

Mr Hughes smiled to himself. "So you like it, then? I had specially requested it after trying it the last time I was here, and I loved it. I thought you would too." 

Callum didn't think the man was capable of positive thoughts, he almost thought he was lying to get Callum to like him. 

"Thank you, sir. I appreciate the gesture." He wasn't lying, food was always something Callum held close to his heart, and it meant something that his wife's father went out of his way to do this.

They tried some more samples while engaging in pointless conversation. Sometimes about the food, or work or Mary. As long as they weren't arguing, Callum was fine. 

After they had finished, the barman noticed and came over to collect the small trays. "Are you boys done?" 

Mary's father nodded in response. The barman lingered for a while before saying, "Did you both hear about Aaron?"

"The young lad from the music university?" Mr Hughes questioned.

"Yeah, thats the one." The barman leaned in to allow the two men to hear him more clearly. "He's only gone and got himself arrested."

"What? When was this?" Callum looked up at the man. 

"About two nights ago. So you really didn't hear?" Both men shook their heads in response.

"What could he have possibly done?" Callum questioned again. 

The barman stood in silence for a moment while they waited in anticipation. Finally, he spoke. 

"He's queer." 

He said it so quietly, Callum wasn't even sure if he had heard it correctly. 

"Queer?" Mary's father asked again, confirming that what Callum heard was indeed true. 

He suddenly felt like everyone is the room had their eyes on him. They didn't, of course. But it didn't stop the sweat from forming on his forehead as he uncomfortable shifted in his seat. 

"It's not possible. I only spoke to him last week." Mr Hughes huffed and leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms. "Its fucking disgusting, that is. Serves him right for getting caught." 

Callum felt like all the air from his lungs was being sucked out of him. He knew how homosexuals got treated here, but it still took him by surprise each and every time it was mentioned. 

Mary's father must have noticed his distress as he asked, "I think you'll be wanting to get back to Mary, yes?"

Callum managed a nod. "Thanks again, sir." He stood up from his seat and the bar, only just being able to stay balanced. 

"Callum." Mary's father stopped him. "Everything is alright with her, I hope." 

"We're alright. I appreciate you asking, though." He nodded in the man's direction, he just needed to leave this bar. He felt like he couldn't breathe. But then suddenly the older man was holding out his hand for Callum. He took it, and they shook hands. It was then when Callum realised this evening was Mr Hughes' way of apologizing.

He nodded at him once more before turning his attention to the room full of people. Exhaling deeply through his nose, he scanned through the crowds of people until he spotted Mary, who was now talking to Scott and Sarah near the dance floor.

"Alright Scott?" He smiled, genuinely. "Sarah."

"It's nice to see you Cal! It feels like it's been ages." Sarah reached up to hug him, and Callum hugged back. He liked Sarah, she was one of the few people who supported his cooking career before it had gotten started. He remembered all the times he was ready to give up on his dream, but she was there to encourage him. He definitely wouldn't be where he was in his career if it wasn't for her. He mentally kicked himself for not staying in contact.

"It has been a while." As much as he'd like to catch up, his mind was focused on the phone call.

"Scott, is it alright if I talked to you for a moment?" Callum said, gesturing away from their wives. Scott nodded as a reply while giving his friend a knowing look. 

The two moved off to the side, and Scott immediately got to the point. "You got the phone call too, right?" 

"Yeah." Callum sighed, looking at Scott. "Which bastard grassed?" He avoided Callum's stare by looking at the floor.

"Scott?"

"You really aren't going to like this." 

"Does this mean you know?" Callum's back straightened up. "Who, Scott?"

Scott shoved his hands into his blazer pocket, looking around to see if anyone was listening. "Matt." He whispered. 

Callum couldn't believe what he was hearing. He was going to fucking kill him. 

"Is he here tonight?"

"Callum."

"No, Scott. What gives him the right? He risked both of our jobs. You have _kids_ for fuck's sake." He took a short, sharp breathe in. "Is he here?"

Scott nodded slowly in response. 

"Right." Callum's eyes searched the room until they landed on Matt, who was laughing and drinking at the bar like he hadn't just betrayed two of his friends. 

Callum marched over to the bar with absolutely no plan in mind. Just anger and this feeling of treachery. When he got to the bar Callum wasted not a single second as he grabbed Matt by his collar and threw him against the edge of the bar. "I thought we were fucking friends, Matt." He got up in his face and yelled, not caring that he was practically spitting on his face as he spoke. 

"Calm down Ca-" 

"Calm down? Why should I? Do you have any idea what you could have done?!" At this point most of the people in the room had crowded around them, watching and waiting for anything to happen.

"Yeah well maybe you fucking deserved it. You treat me like shit all the time and I just about had enough." Callum felt disgusted. 

With no warning, he swung his fist towards Matt's face, his knuckled colliding with his left cheek so powerfully that it sent Matt's head flying back against the bar counter. 

"Callum!" His wife ran towards them, but it was too late. 

Matt had immediately recovered and swung a punch just as powerful as Callum's in his direction. He didn't miss as he hit Callum right in the jaw. 

It all happened so fast, they were continuously throwing punches, shouting endless swear words while everyone watched as if it was some form of entertainment. 

Eventually Mary's yelling for help caused the barman to shove himself in between the two men. 

"That enough of that, you're grown men for god's sakes." The barman said. "Not children in a playground." 

Breathing heavily, Callum shoved the barman away and walked away from the bar. He couldn't stand the sight of Matt, or the people staring, or Mary's eyes looking at him with such a strong disappointment. He felt sick. 

"That's it, run away!" He heard Matt shouting at him as he walked through the exit doors. Shortly after, Scott had ran out after Callum, catching up to him as her stormed away as fast as he could from that god-forsaken party. 

—

"Mind if i join you?" He hears.  
Callum looks up to meet the eyes of the man from this morning. The man that tried to steal half of his rations, that is. 

Oh. It's him. 

Callum said nothing and looked down at his drink, ignoring him. The man takes his silence as an invitation and goes to sit at the seat to callum's left.

"Did i say yes?" Callum said, harshly. 

"Come on, you haven't even given me a chance to introduce myself." The man replies, a smirk plastered on his face, similar to the one he gave callum at rations earlier and he wondered if he had any other expression. 

Before Callum had the chance to tell this man, who was slowly becoming an annoyance, that he wasn't interested, Scott had made his way back to his seat next to Callum. Scott's eyes travelled to the man sitting two seats away, and made his confusion apparent as he gave Callum an addled look. 

"Don't worry, he was just leaving." Callum said, the harshness still noticeable in his voice. 

"It's alright, if he's a friend of yours." Scott's confused look quickly switched to a warm, welcoming smile directed at the man. "I don't mind."

Callum could sense the man's grin next to him, even with his back turned and eyes glued to Scott. "So it's decided then? I'm staying." 

"No." Callum replied, but by now he was beginning to understand that this man wouldn't do what he was told. He felt his jaw tense. Scott noticed and took hand of the situation, deciding to put his shamefully good lying skills to his friend's benefit.

"Oh, sorry mate." Scott looked past callum to the man, giving him an apologetic smile. "I've just realised we've got to get to this work party of ours."

Callum allowed himself to exhale deeply through his nose, preparing himself for another sarcastic comment from the man. In reality, Scott wasn't lying. There was a party Callum was supposed to be at, he just did not have any intentions on returning.

"Oh that's a shame." The man stood from his seat. It was then Callum looked at him properly. Their eyes inevitably locked and for a split second, amongst the growing feelings of frustration, he felt the smallest shred of curiosity. 

"Regardless, it was nice to see you, Callum." He said, putting the emphasis on his name, which only further strengthened his annoyance. 

The two boys watched the man walk through the pub doors on the other side of the room. Callum's jaw finally began to relax as Scott looked at him while letting out a short laugh. "What the hell was that about?" 

Those were Callum's exact thoughts as he brought himself to laugh with him. 

Mick was back behind the bar as soon as the man left. "You boys need a top up?"

"Nah you're alright, thanks." Scott said, lifting up his half full pint. 

He was about to walk away when Callum grabbed his attention. "Actually Mick," he said, leaning foward and crossing his arms. "You don't happen to know who the lad that was just sitting with us was, by any chance?" 

Mick nodded. "Yeah, that's a regular of ours. Ben Mitchell." 

_Ben Mitchell._

Callum let the the mysterious man's name run through his head as he downed the last of his pint. 

He didn't know what to think, but he did know he secretly wouldn't mind it if he just happened to run into Ben Mitchell again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was another chapter to 'Nineteen Forty-Three'! I will admit I definitely forced myself to finish this while i had all my ideas up in my head, I'm always worried if i leave my work long enough I'll just forget everything entirely.
> 
> Regardless I hope you enjoyed! Thanks for reading if you made it to the end x
> 
> You can find me @fsomlive on twitter


	3. Deception

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long since I've updated this! I know it's only chapter three but finding motivation to actually turn my ideas into a small reality is definitely a difficulty for me. Regardless I hope you enjoy! x

A bright light strikes Callum's eyelids and forces them open as his eyes adjust to the change in luminosity. He groans as he reaches his hands up to rub his eyes, finally being able to see properly. He leans up until he's fully sitting on his bed-

Wait a minute. This wasn't his bed. Callum was sitting on Scott's sofa. He looks up to see Sarah pulling the curtains of the living room back.

"Morning, sunshine." Sarah's voice is loud and causes Callum to groan louder and lay back down again. 

"How did I get here." He said, voice weak as he feels his throat ache. 

"Scott rang from the pub last night to get me to get you both home. Too smashed to do it yourself it seemed." 

"I would apologise but I don't remember any of that." Callum smiled at her. 

"Yeah well, after what happened I can't blame you for wanting a drink." She laughed.

"Or ten." With a smirk now formed on his face, Callum reached out to the coffee table and picked up the glass of water Sarah had left for him. 

"Thanks." He downed the glass in under a second. "Where is Scott, anyway?" 

"Upstairs. I'm sure he'll be down in a minute." She walked past the the sofa and into the kitchen.

"Do you want any breakfast?" Sarah yelled to the living room.

Callum sat up again and felt his stomach flip. _Fucking hangovers._ Best to leave food for now. 

"No thanks, Sarah." Callum yawned and stretched his arms above his head when he heard footsteps coming from the stairs.

"Morning." Scott walked over to sit next Callum on the sofa, with the same tired, hungover look on his face. "You alright?" 

"A bit, yeah." Callum wasn't alright. He was dreading going home to Mary and her inevitable lecture. He wasn't even sure if he had the mental state to leave this sofa. 

"Christ, I've got a banging headache." 

"You and me both, mate." 

As if on que, Sarah walked back into the living room with two cups of tea. 

"I'll have this and then I'll be off if that's alright with you both." Callum said, picking up his mug and taking a small sip. 

"Course." Scott said, lifting his own cup to his mouth. 

"Oh, Callum." Sarah said, as if she had been reminded of something. "Mary wasn't in the best mood last night after... Well, everything." 

Callum wanted to scream. He knew she wasn't exactly going to be happy about what he did, but he knows he is most definitely not prepared for anything when he gets home. 

"Did she say anything to you?"

"Just that she wished you hadn't done it. I think she was mostly upset that you left her there, alone."

 _Shit._ He did admit that wasn't his best move. But he had to leave, he was suffocating.

"Yeah, I know." He sighed. "Thanks for letting me know, though." 

"I just don't want you two to fall out. Especially over something like this." Sarah smiled at him out of sympathy and turned to walk back into the kitchen.

"Have you heard from Matt?" Callum asked Scott.

"Not since we saw him at the party, no." Scott looked up at Callum. "You did give him a good beating. The man's probably fearing for his life." 

And they were both laughing. Callum should have regretted it. But if he's completely honest with himself, it was the most alive he has felt in a long, long time. 

"I did, didn't I? Definitely shouldn't be proud of that." 

They laughed and talked some more and finished their teas before Callum decides it's time to get it over with.

"Right." He says, putting his cup down and standing up. "I best be off. Tell Sarah I said thanks." 

"I will." Scott replied, standing up with him.

"When's your next shift?" Callum asks.

"Tomorrow." 

"See you tomorrow, then." He smiles as he opens the front door to his friend's house, and walks home a bit too slowly. 

—

Callum shuts the door behind him as he steps inside his house, stopping by the staircase to listen. Silence. 

"Mary?" He calls out. 

"In the kitchen." She yells back. He breathes in deep through his nose and walks towards it. 

Mary is sitting at the table, tea in one hand and a newspaper in the other. She looks up as Callum walks in. He didn't know what to say, he was genuinely speechless. He just stared at her, searching her eyes for any hint of her reaction. But she stares back, nothing but coldness radiating from her gaze. 

"Mary." He manages, his hands reaching out to lean on one of the chairs opposite her.

"Im not angry." 

"What?" He says, almost not believing what she said. 

"Im not angry." She repeats.

"Disappointed?" 

"Disappointed." 

Callum sighs, pulling out the chair he was leaning on and sits down. 

"I know you don't want to believe it, but I am sorry." He says.

"I do believe you. But I also know you're not sorry for everything."

"You're right. I don't regret hurting Matt, but I do regret leaving you there." He looks up to meet her eyes. "I'm sorry." 

Mary stood from her chair and walked over to Callum. She raised her hand to run her thumb gently down her husbands cheek. "I know." 

Callum closed his eyes, grateful for once that Mary was being understanding. She walked back over to her seat to pick up her cup and placed it in the sink behind her. 

"Sarah called and told me everything. You're lucky she was able to do that for you on such late notice." 

"Yeah. I asked Scott to thank her for me before I left." Callum sighed and rested his head on his hand. 

She looks up from washing her cup to look at Callum. "Can I ask you something?"

"Course."

"You haven't lost your job, have you?"

"Christ, Mary. Of course I've not lost my job. Where did you get that from?"

 _Oh._ James had spoken to Mary on the phone before he could get a chance to himself yesterday.

"James called and mentioned he wanted to talk to you about work. Did he not get a hold of you?"

"Oh, right." Callum leaned back in his seat. "No, he was just calling to ask how things are." 

"I see. Sorry for worrying."

Callum stood from his chair at the table and walked towards the door to the kitchen. He felt disgusting and was in desperate need of a shower. But before he had the chance to leave Mary stopped him. 

"Oh, Callum. I almost forgot." She finished drying off the cup with a tea towel and looked up to her husband. "Mick called this morning." 

"Did something happen last night?"

"Sort of. He said that someone had a possession of yours and wanted to know if you needed it back."

Possession? Callum couldn't remember if he had left anything at the pub last night. But then again, he would have been too hammered to have noticed. 

"Did he tell you what it was?"

"Well, that's what i thought was strange. Mick said it was someone else who give him the message to tell you."

"What do you mean?" Callum said, looking at Mary with a confused expression.

"Something about a Ben Mitchell." 

_Ben Mitchell?_

What on earth could Ben Mitchell possibly have of his? Callum swallowed as he began to think. He remembered what he had with him when he arrived at the pub, but it was only his jacket and the only thing in his pocket was-

His ration book. The bastard has taken his ration book. 

Callum shoved his hands in his pockets and searched them. And surely, his ration book was nowhere to be found. 

"Callum?" Mary asked as she watched him frantically take off his jacket and shake it out. Eventually he gave up and stood still with his jacket in his hand. 

"It's fine. I'll go back to the pub later to see what it was." Callum turned and walked through the door and up the stairs. 

Callum racked his brain of all the possible ways Ben Mitchell could have gotten hold on his ration book. But his memory was foggy from all the drinking and Callum can barely remember a single thing after he saw the man last night. 

He sighed through his nose and decided to leave the mystery for later and get in the shower. What ever it may be, Callum knew he did feel the smallest bit of excitement that he was given the opportunity to see Ben Mitchell again.

—

The pub was closed in the mornings so Callum knocked on one of the doors and waited for someone to answer. Eventually, Linda, Mick's wife, walked to the door and opened it. 

"Alright, Callum?" She smiles at him and walks inside, towards the bar. Callum takes this as an invite to come in and follows after her. 

"Yeah, you?" He leans against the side of the bar with his arms crossed. 

"Well, you know how it is." She sighs. "Working in a bar..." 

Linda's drinking problem wasn't a secret to anyone living in the area. It had become local knowledge by the time she had started to get into fights on the streets and wake up in random places in the middle of the day. Callum wished he was there for her more when things were at their worst, but he admittedly has been dealing with a lot of his own. 

"Yeah. I understand." He looks up at her and gives her a genuine, warm smile.

"Anyways, im guessing you're here to see Mick?" 

"Is he in?" 

"Should be. I'll go and get him." She turns away from Callum and walks behind the war and up the stairs. 

Callum's eyes travel to the seats at the bar which he and Scott were sitting at the previous night, his mind instantly reminded of Ben. There was something about his smirk, so taunting yet so inviting, that Callum couldn't stop his mind from coming back to. He closed his eyes and sighed. He shouldn't be thinking like this. Especially about a man who's just stolen one of his belongings. 

Footsteps coming from his right are what brought Callum thoughts back to reality as he looked up to see Mick standing behind the bar. 

"Fucking hell, Callum. You look awful." He joked. 

"Thanks for that." Callum joked back. "Linda seems well."

"Yeah, she is. I didn't think she would make this much progress so fast." 

Callum smiled. Simple things like this, just knowing that his friends were okay, gave him enough hope to survive. 

"I'm happy to hear that, Mick. I really am." 

It was Mick's turn to break into a smile then. One of those smiles where you're so genuinely happy you could cry. 

"Thanks, mate." 

"Mary told me about your call this morning." Callum stood up straight from his position at the bar.

"Ah, yes. I didn't want to tell her, but Ben says he has your ration book." 

_He fucking knew it._

"I wasn't sure if her knowing you lost it would get you into any trouble. So i kept it to myself." 

"Good call." Callum sighed. "Did he tell you when he wants to give it back?" He said, referring to Ben.

"What, he's stolen it?" Mick looked at Callum, shocked. 

"Does he not do that often, then? He seems like the type." 

"Suppose you're right. He's a Mitchell, after all." 

"A Mitchell?" Callum hadn't heard of the 'Mitchells' before. 

Mick stepped away from the bar slightly to start replacing the washed glasses from the used ones under the counter. "Yeah. You ain't hear of them? Proper trouble makers. The whole lot." 

Callum's hand reached up to rub over his eyes. He's only gone and got himself involved with a fucking criminal. 

"So he hasn't said anything? Nothing about where or when I should meet him?"

"Nothing. Only that he has the book." Mick continued placing the glasses. 

Strange. What would be the point in telling Mick that he had the book unless he had any intentions of giving it back? 

And then Callum realised. _Oh, shit._

He didn't want to give the book back at all. Why would he? He lost him own after all. He just wanted Callum to know purposely just to fuck with him. Unbelievable. 

Any feelings of excitement Callum had towards seeing Ben again were completely gone. That's if he ever sees him again, that is.

"Fuck." He said out loud, everything suddenly hitting him at once. 

"Callum?" Mick looked up from the glasses. "Have you heard from Matt?" 

Oh, he had forgotten about that. "No, why?" 

"Don't you think you should apologise?" 

Callum sighed. He did feel a slight growing guilt. 

"You think I should?" Mick tended to be the one people went to for advice. He was the best at it around here, after all. 

"It ain't my place to say. But you are good mates, Cal. You wouldn't want that to be ruined after all this time." 

"But he risked Scott's job, Mick. And my own." 

"I think you're both in the wrong here. There's never any harm in being the bigger man." Mick placed the final glass under the counter and walked to the back of the pub. 

Callum knew what he did was wrong, and he did regret it. He sighed to himself. 

He had too much on his mind. Not only did he feel like he was suffocating in his own home, but now, his head was becoming another place he felt trapped. 

He silently decided to himself that he didn't want his issues with Matt to become another problem for him.

—

"Thank you for coming round." 

"Yeah." Callum looked at Matt and at his eyes, filled with genuine sorrow and repent. 

"Do you mind?" Callum said, gesturing to the sofa. 

"No, go ahead." 

Matt left him in the living room to make them both a cup of tea. Callum relaxed into the sofa, going over and over in his head, through all the things he wanted to say to Matt. 

It was hard, this. Callum wasn't used to his thoughts feeling so heavy. Even after all this time. It was like a constant headache but with no paracetamol to stop it. He just wanted everything to stop, to be able to breathe. 

After a short while, Matt walked back in with two cups of tea and sat on one of the chairs facing the sofa Callum was sitting on. 

There was a sudden awkward silence that filled the room that made Callum shift uncomfortably in his seat. For silence, it did seem so, so deafening. 

Matt was the first to break the stillness. "Listen-"

"Matt, you don't have to." Callum interrupted. If he was going to do this, he would have to do it his way. "Last night, that wasn't me."

Matt's eyes were gazing into Callum's, almost like he was saying he understood in his looks. 

"Things aren't at their best right now. The call that morning, it was just the cherry on the cake really." He sighed and leaned forward, placing his head in his hands. "And knowing it was you that grassed us up like that." 

"I should have thought that through." Matt's eyes stayed fixed on Callum, reassuring him that everything was alright. 

"I just wish you would have talked to us. I had no idea you were feeling that way." 

"It wasn't your fault. Mine, for not speaking up." 

Callum sighed again. "Look at us, eh? How long have we known each other. You could have told me anything." He paused. "You still can." 

Matt tore his eyes away from Callum for the first time during that conversation, as if he had really realised what had happened between them. 

"Fucking hell."

"Yeah." Callum agreed, lifting his head from his hands and leaning back into the sofa." 

For some reason, they both didn't feel the need to apologise. The mutual feeling swarmed the room like bees. And Callum was glad, he felt like he had done a fair bit of apologising lately. 

"Oh, shit. Scott." Matt started playing with his thumbs, a clear fear suddenly taking over him. "He's mad too, ain't he?"

"Well, luckily for you not as much as I was." That was when Callum got a real look at the damage he had done as he traced Matt's bruises on his cheeks and jaw with his eyes. 

Matt must have noticed because he lifted his hand to brush his fingers across his injuries. "What, these? You should have seen the other guy." 

The burning silence had been completely washed away as Callum broke into a small laughter. 

"You are alright, yeah?" Callum asked, feeling the pang of guilt return. 

"Course, don't worry." He went back to fidgeting with his thumbs. "It's not like I didn't get a few good punches in myself." 

Callum smiled. "Yeah, it fucking hurt." 

Matt laughed too, then. "Good."

—

By the time he gets home, it's almost five in the evening. He puts his key in the door and slides inside, grateful for the warmth and escape from the cold, winter air as he walks through into the living room where he sees Mary sitting with her focus in a book. 

"Hey." He says as he sits on one of the sofas, away from Mary. 

"Hello." She puts her book down to look at Callum. "Did you speak to Mick?" 

"Yeah." Callum wasn't sure what to tell her. He was sick of lying. 

"What did he say?" 

"He said he didn't know much. Which probably explains why he didn't say much over the telephone to you." It wasn't his best lie, but it'll do. 

"Oh, right." Her voice was flat and bored, almost tired. 

"Do you want me to cook dinner today?" He offered as he stood and walked into the kitchen. Mary followed. 

"Would you mind? Im shattered." She sat at the table with her head leaning on one of her hands, eyes closed. 

She looked peaceful.

"It's no problem. It's my specialty, anyways." 

He ended up cooking one of Mary's personal favourites of his. It was easy, but was definitely something he enjoyed making. And he wasn't completely cruel, he did like seeing Mary happy. 

He placed the two of them a plate each at the table after he'd finished. 

"Chicken pasta?" Mary took her knife and fork and started eating immediately.

"What, don't tell me you've gone off it." 

"Never." She says, looking up from her meal and giving Callum a smile. 

A sudden knock at the door draws their attention to the surprise visitor at their house. Mary starts to get up and out of her seat.

"I'll get it." Callum stops her.

"It's fine, you cooked tonight. I am capable."  
She leaves her food and walks out of the kitchen. 

Callum's relief is silent as he realises it could he Mary's father at the door. He tries to listen and hears her open the door and the voice of a man greets her. Not long after, Mary returns to the kitchen with a puzzled look on her face. 

"It's for you." 

Callum tilts his head as if to ask, _what's going on?_

He places down his cutlery and gets up from the table, his curiosity making his actions fast and smooth. He turns the corner from the kitchen to the hallway leading to the door and pulls to a complete halt in the doorway. 

Of fucking course. 

"Callum!" Ben's voice is sarcastic and just too damn loud for Callum's mood tonight. He was the last person he wanted to see right now. "We really cant keep meeting like this."

Callum's thoughts were running a hundred miles an hour. And yet he still didn't know what to say or what to think. He felt like his heart was about to give out as it hammered against his chest so violently, he was almost sure he was having a heart attack. 

"You aren't funny." He managed to say, sounding much more confident in his words than he felt. 

"Ah come on, Callum. Aren't you happy to see me?" And there was that smirk. That same smirk with that same leer, which only soul purpose was to taunt Callum. 

Time suddenly felt frozen, like Ben and Callum were the only two in the world and they were the only two speaking. It felt dreadful and the thought made Callum feel sick. 

"How did you get my address?" He asked, while trying to distinguish between his feelings of fear and curiosity. 

"Come on, now. Everyone knows everyone around here. It was hardly difficult." 

And then he watches Ben walk towards a car parked outside on the street in front of Callum's house.

"Get in, then." He says as he opens the door to the driver's seat and waits. 

"Why should I?" Callum's feet stayed planted in his doorway.

"You do want your ration book back, right?" Ben got into the car and sat in his seat. He closed the door and proceeded to pull his seatbelt over him and waited there. 

"For fuck sakes." Callum quickly grabbed a jacket off the coat rack and closed the door to his house before furiously walking to the car and getting in.

—

He kept talking, of course. He talked the whole drive. Callum has pretended to listen to him go on about how everyone in this place knew everything about everyone. 

He just didn't _care._

Callum just wanted to know where he was planning to take them. And more importantly, if he was actually going to get him book back tonight. 

"Where are we going, Ben?" 

"That's for me to know and for you to find out." He took his eyes away from the road to look at Callum for a second. "In short, it's a surprise." 

Ben took his eyes off Callum and focused on the road again. Callum sat back in his seat in a huff. He didn't like not knowing. Especially when he was sat next to a 'Mitchell.' 

"You could look a little bit happier over there. It's not everyday you get a free cab ride." 

"Not funny." Callum found himself repeating for the second time that night. 

Ben grinned as he pulled the car to a halt. 

"You have arrived to your destination."  
He said in a posh, cab driver voice with an over enthusiastic smile plastered on his features.

Callum pushed open his car door and stepped out to feel the sudden attack of the icy, winter winds. He shoved his hands into his pockets and hunched his back over slightly to protect himself from the air as it knifed at him.

He walked over to where Ben was standing and looked at him. "Well?"

"Well, what?" He walked over to unlock a door. Well, at least what Callum thought was a door. His eyes were barely adjusting to the darkness surrounding him and all he could do was focus on the sound of a key going into a lock. 

A loud creak could be heard as Ben pushed open the door and held it open for Callum. "Ladies first." 

Miserable and tired, Callum stomped inside, no longer caring if this is where he is being murdered tonight. The air had began to freeze his ears and cheeks, he was desperate for any warmth he could get. 

Ben followed in after him and shut the door They both stood there in complete blackness until Callum heard the flick of a light switch, and the room was suddenly bright and he could finally see where they were. 

"Welcome to The Arches." 

Ben went and sat down on a chair at the desk to the left of the room. He smiled at Callum, as if waiting for him to say something.

"Right, yes. Very good." Callum crossed his arms over his chest. "Why are we here?" 

"Thought I'd show you where I work." 

"I don't know you." 

"Get to know me then." Ben's features were still formed into his normal grin, but his eyes, they said something different. Something Callum couldn't quite read. 

"Is that why you took my book, then?" Callum felt himself begin to grow slightly more indignant. "To _get to know you?_ "

Ben noticed his increase in annoyance and reached into his pockets to pull out Callum's ration book and slapped it on the desk. 

"There. Take it if you want it." 

"That isn't the point, Ben. Why take it in the first place." 

"Well I had to find a way to get to you somehow." 

Callum's breath hitched in his throat. For a second he wondered if he still had the ability to speak. 

"What do you even mean by that?" 

Ben laughed. "Wouldn't you like to know!"

Callum took three long steps towards Ben and pulled him up from his chair by his collar. Bringing their faces so close, their noses were almost touching.

"What is this, Ben? I don't know you and for some fucking reason, you think you can steal one of my possessions in an attempt to speak to me."

"It worked didn't it." 

Callum shoved Ben back into his chair and walked away from him. 

He hated that he was right. He hated that this was all it took to get Callum so desperately interested in him, that he couldn't even resist a mysterious drive to god knows where with him. 

Callum's breathing was rapid and irregular. He was about to turn back to Ben when he heard. 

"You're a homosexual." 

No words could possibly explain the amount of agitation that overtook Callum's body in that moment. He stood frozen in that spot in the middle of the Arches, his breathing immediately going from a loud, expeditious mess to a sound so quite it was like he had stopped breathing altogether. 

"I'm a what?" Callum's voice was threatening and defensive, like he had suddenly put up a barrier around himself to protect him from the man sitting not to far away from the spot he was standing. 

"A homosexual." Ben repeated, his voice calm and collected. "I can tell." 

"You can _tell_?" If Callum's thoughts had been running a hundred miles an hour before, his brain had become a fried nothingness as he panicked over any of the ways he could have possibly made it obvious. "What the fuck do you mean by that?" 

"Don't worry. No one else can see." Ben leaned forward and placed his hands on his knees. "I started being able to notice when I learned all the signs from hiding myself." 

"You're-" Callum couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. A man admitting to being queer, one of the most dangerous acts of crime that could be committed in Great Britain, before his very eyes. 

"Yes." 

Callum almost laughed, then. It was like he was watching his walls of safety suddenly crumbling in the hands of a complete stranger. 

"No. I am not doing this." His voice had raised to a yell and he was glaring at Ben like he had just threatened to take his life. "Okay? Are listening? I am _not_ like that." 

"You've known for ages. All those years of lying to your mates. To that wife of yours." Ben's grin returned as he looked up at Callum. "To yourself."

"No! Just no, alright? You're wrong. That's not me." He was still yelling, and yet his voice still screamed defeat. "You don't know me."

Callum wanted to run. He wanted to run, so, so far away that he would never have to see Ben's face again. Never have to see Mary's of Scott's or Matt's. He wanted to escape so badly, and yet he couldn't. He was stuck right there. 

"Look, Callum-"

"Don't Ben. I don't want to hear it." Callum hid his face in his hands. 

He had no fucking clue what to do. He wanted to cry, scream, yell or just do anything but stand there in the Arches.

He heard Ben stand up walk towards him. He slid his hands away from his face to see Ben holding out his ration book for him to take. His eyes stared back at him, unreadable and yet to suddenly comforting. 

"I'll take you home." 

—

The drive back was absolutely silent. The complete opposite to the journey to the Arches. Callum almost wishes he could have that again. The sound of Ben talking away about nothing to distract him from his aching thoughts that swarmed every inch of his mind. 

He looked over at him, at his cold, blue eyes focused on nothing but the road in front of him. And Callum wondered what it was like in Ben's mind, having the ability to joke the way he does about _everything._ He was almost jealous at Ben's lack of seriousness he carried for himself. It just seemed so easy.

Eventually they pulled up to Callum's street and they sat there, waiting. 

Callum didn't want to get out, if he was honest. Home was the last place he wanted to be. 

"Are you going to get out anytime this evening? I have other passengers to pick up tonight, you know." Ben joked, obviously feeling Callum's uncomfortable energy. 

He sat there for a while, breathing in the sound of nothingness in Ben's car as he appreciated a silence that didn't need to be filled. Callum knew of them, and they were rare. But, he did feel it then. Which only made it more painful for him to leave the safety of Ben's car. 

"Don't show up at my home like that again." Callum shifted in his seat before opening the car door. 

"Does that mean your work is off limits, too?" Ben looked directly into Callum's eyes and let himself pull a genuine smile for the first time since they had met. 

Callum felt like he was looking at a different person. The transition from his taunting grin to a solace and peaceful smile was so comforting Callum almost couldn't bring himself to turn away. 

He got out of the car completely and closed the door. He stepped away from the vehicle and moved towards his house. The sound of Ben's car driving away made Callum feel awful. 

It shouldn't have, after all of that. The man had made a dangerous and powerful accusation about him. And yet, he _still_ felt that annoyingly growing interest growing inside him. 

He sighed as he got to the door and unlocked it, letting himself in and walking up the stairs and into his room where he saw Mary sitting up in her pyjamas, reading the same book as before. 

"Where did you get off to?" She asked, this time not taking her eyes off the book. "I heard the door lock and you were gone." 

"Yeah, sorry. Last minute work thing." Callum took off his shirt and his trousers, leaving him in his boxers as he got under the covers, not caring enough to shower tonight.  
He sighed into his pillow.

He layed there, in his own bed next to his own wife, left alone with the deafening truth. 

He was a homosexual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was another chapter of 'Nineteen Forty-Three'!
> 
> It means a lot, that even though it's a small amount, people have actually read the first two chapters. Thank you so so much if you've taken your time to read this! It's definitely giving me more motivation knowing there's a slight possibility that there are people who actually enjoy these.
> 
> Thanks for reading!! x


	4. Corrupt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was definitely a way of procrastinating from the growing amount of school work i have ahaha.
> 
> but i hope you enjoy it regardless xx

Two days had passed since Ben had taken Callum on that late night car drive. Two whole days since he had just stopped feeling. 

That night was like a swift, hard punch to Callum's chest, knocking him back into a dark space and he just couldn't see a single way out of it. It was a realisation that Callum had thought he'd pushed so far away that he assumed he could just ignore it for the rest of his life. 

He had definitely thought wrong, as his convictions crept up on him at every moment of every day, reminding him that he was constantly lying. 

_"You've known for ages. All those years of lying to your mates. To that wife of yours."_

_"To yourself."_

Ben's words were engraved into Callum's mind and no matter how hard he tried to suppress it, he knew he was right. 

He hadn't seen Ben since that night, either. And Callum didn't know how he was supposed to feel about that. You can't just say something like that to someone and then just forget about it. Whereas on the other hand, Callum wasn't sure if he could face him at all right now. There was something about Ben knowing such information, which Callum had kept so closely restricted to himself, that made him feel so incredibly exposed. 

Callum hadn't even come to terms with the idea that Ben was... well, like him. To put it simply. He had a single thought run through his mind every time he thought about it, haunting him with a strong passion that continually set an uneasy feeling deep down inside him. 

They were the same.

The thought was both comforting and disturbing. But it was also new, almost alien. It showed that amongst Callum's slightly developing fear of Ben, there will always be the smallest fascination there. And he wasn't alone. 

Callum had these exact thoughts as he got ready for work this morning. He found himself in his own little universe lately, leaving him and his prospects alone most of the time.

That was until he was suddenly pulled out of his state as Mary walked into the kitchen.

"Can I walk with you? I'm meeting Sarah at her's around now anyway." She asked, looking up at Callum who was stood at the table with his jacket in hand.

"I suppose it is on the way." Callum says as he puts on his jacket. "Alright." He felt himself agreeing to everything lately. He assumed that it was just easier. 

Mary smiles and walks over to the door while putting her own jacket on. Both ready, they head out into the bitter cold.

At some point on their journey, Callum couldn't be sure when, Mary had taken a hold of his hand, placing hers in his. 

She had begun ranting on about another party Sarah had invited them to, one that inevitably Callum would be forced to go to. Another social event where he would be forced to get along with her father. He was sick of it. He was so sick of _everything._

He focused on the sound of her heels clacking against the pavement as they walked and she talked. Her voice had become a soft hum and Callum's attention was drawn to the pavement, his thoughts in a completely different place. 

"Callum?" The sound of his name dragged him from the pavement abyss as he looked up at her. He hummed in response. 

"Were you even listening?"

"Yes, Mary." He held eye contact as he waited for her to respond. When she didn't he spoke again, "Party with Sarah." He said, as if to give her a sense of reassurance.

"Well, can we go?" She looked at him, eyes pleading. 

_No. We can't go._ His thoughts screamed as he wondered what would happen if he refused. But as his brain ached from complete mental exhaustion, he was reminded of the slightly easier route to life that was avoiding conflict. 

"Of course we can go." He wasn't sure if his voice sounded convincing. He didn't care.

It must have been as she smiled and continued talking aimlessly. It carried on exactly like that until they went their separate ways.

—

"Turn that up." Scott said as he took a seat next to Callum in the kitchen.

Matt leaned over the counter and picked up the radio, turning the volume up so they could listen to the, what they call, 'wartime news'. 

"What do we reckon then?" Callum said. 

"Surely there couldn't have been another attack that fast." Matt sat back completely in his seat opposite the two boys. 

"We're in the middle of a war, anything can happen." Scott replied, setting his eyes on the radio. "Why do you think they're holding an announcement?" 

Every so often, if there had been a large attack against an allied country, everyone would get alerted of an announcement that would take place to go over all of the repercussions. 

"I hope it ain't bad." Callum couldn't handle anymore bad news. The two boys nodded in agreement, silencing as a man's voice boomed through the radio.

They listened intently as the man gave a brief discourse on the latest situation. And surely, there had been another attack on America that morning. 

"Fucking hell." Scott whispered, the fear in his voice was clear and unnerving.

"One hundred and thirty nine dead? Did i hear that right?" Callum held his head in his hands, sighing heavily into them.

"Unfortunately, you did." Matt leaned again to switch off the radio as the focus of the news shifted. "You'd think we'd have gotten used to hearing news like this."

"Still fucks you up." Scott said.

"One hundred and thirty nine." Callum repeated, now playing with his thumbs attentively. He couldn't seem to keep still, the number swarming his mind.

"It is what it is." Scott got up and started clearing up the kitchen. 

_It is what it is._

It was then Callum realised he had grown into a more 'it is what it is' attitude more and more over the years. He put up a strong front that gave him the ability to deal with whatever was shot his way, like a shield made to protect himself. Whatever happened, happened. There was nothing he could do about it. 

He wanted to run from the kitchen, feeling as if his own thoughts had escaped his mind and were now infesting the air around him. 

"You alright, Cal?" Matt looked at him, eyes worried. "You've gone pale." 

"Fine, yeah." He stood from his chair and walked over to Scott to help him clear up. 

"It isn't Mary, is it?" Matt pressed.

"What isn't?" 

"You've been off lately. I can only assume there's an issue at home." 

"Everything's fine, I promise you." Callum didn't need his worries being dragged outside of his relationship with Mary. It would ruin his slight escape from it.

"Alright."

Callum turned to completely look at Matt. "Thank you for asking though." 

"Not to worry." He smiled. "I've never liked the idea of you splitting up. You're like the parents I never had. I don't think I've ever even seen the two of you fight." 

If Callum didn't feel his escape breaking before, he suddenly felt so exposed. Like his relationship with Mary had been put on a podium for display, for everyone to look and judge for themselves. It made Callum feel so, so afraid. 

What if people could tell? What if they'll one day begin to see that it's all a lie? That Callum is a liar? He was suddenly reminded of that very morning when Mary had taken Callum's hand in her own, showing the world that they were fine.

The thoughts hit him like a tonne of bricks as he scrapped his brain for a response to Matt. 

"We're perfectly fine." 

More lies. Every single one seemed to make Callum weaker. He just wanted someone to tell the truth so he wouldn't have to. 

Maybe that's why Ben interested him so much. The man did accuse him of being queer within the first two days of knowing of his existence. It was an absolute joke, but it was the truth.

It was pouring down when Callum left work that evening. He decided he didn't care if he came home drenched, or became a threat to a cold, he just needed to walk and clear his head. The rain belted against his head, causing his hair to flatten against his forehead as he walked home.

—

The next day, Callum had called in to Scott to let him know he wouldn't be coming into work, stating he had developed a cold from the rain and couldn't face a day at the kitchen. 

It was another lie, of course. They were becoming so natural Callum had wondered when the last time a sentence left him mouth that wasn't deceiving. It was stressful, and living like this shouldn't have to be this stressful. He had a wife who loved him, he had a job, friends. From an outside perspective, of course anyone would have thought he had it easy. 

Callum had walked through into the kitchen to find it empty and then realised Mary had made plans for the day, and so he thought, _fuck it_.

He grabbed his jacket from the coat rack, making sure he had his keys before opening the front door and leaving before he could allow himself to change his mind or even hesitate.

He believed he remembered where it was, not too far from the pub possibly. Yes, he recalled passing it on the way there that night. His memory could only form so much of the 

_The Arches._

It was such an impulse decision he didn't even bother to care if Ben would be there. He just needed a change of atmosphere. If he had to spend another minute in his house, or at work or even at enough one of Mary's fucking parties, he was going to lose whatever was left of his corrupt mind.

He passed the pub eventually and somehow managed find it, almost completely around the corner. It looked different in daylight. It was seemingly less ominous as Callum looked up again at the sign and felt the smallest ounce of comfort, reminding him of that night and how calm Ben's voice had been. 

He had come to terms with the fact that he almost definitely wanted to see that smile again. Not that insulting grin, or the frustratingly intense smirk. He simply wanted Ben to break that facade enough to show Callum even the slightest glimpse of his own reality. 

Because he didn't believe that was really the same man he had talked to at the food office, or at the pub that night. After their night trip to the Arches, Callum felt like something as basic as that smile said everything. 

Something about Ben putting up that sarcastic front had reminded Callum of himself. Forcing an image onto the people around him to provide a barrier of protection for himself. Those sly grins and smirks weren't Ben at all. They were masks.

Callum's fists came into strong contact with the metal doors as he pounded on them and waited for something. Anything.

Silence.

Callum opened his fists to press his fingertips against the door slightly, attempting to push it open but failing before giving up and letting his arm fall back to his side. He leaned into the door and pressed his forehead against it, sighing into the silence.

"Can I help you?" A voice from behind Callum made him jump and completely slam his head into the door. 

"Shit, that looked like it hurt." The voice spoke again. "Maybe it'll teach you to not go snooping around people's property."

With a hand now placed to his forehead, Callum turns to see Ben. Of course. 

"You're one to talk." Callum side, rubbing his head slightly, as if it would ease the pain. Ben looked at him, confused as he tilts his head to the side. "Or do I need to remind you of what you stole last week?" 

Ben's confusion was wiped away as he grinned to himself. "Ah, yes. Of course. Let's just say we're even then, yeah?" 

No. We're not fucking _even_. 

"You know what I'm talking about, Ben." Callum's mind briefly returned to the memories of that night, Ben's words repeating over and over like a broken record in his brain, and he wondered if Ben had been doing the same. 

"I believe I'm familiar, yes." He leaned over the desk to take a pen in his hand and started playing with it. 

"Why did you do all that?" 

"If I'm honest, from the moment I met you it had been on my mind." 

Callum lifted his head to look at him, eyes slightly more hopeful. Ben scoffed and pointed the pen at him aggressively. "Don't flatter yourself." 

"Why, then?"

"Well wouldn't you have done something? If you had known I was like you, wouldn't you have tried to get in contact?" 

"I suppose." 

"Then I'm sure you can come to understand." Ben had started tracing the table with the end of his pen. "What about you, then? You're really not going to explain yourself?" 

"What?" Callum replied, holding Ben's stare.

"Why are you attempting to break into my workplace in the middle of the day?" 

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"Exactly." He looked back down to his thumbs and started fidgeting anxiously. It was the truth. He may have come here for a change of scenery initially, but he didn't know why he had chosen The Arches specifically. 

"Thanks for that, very helpful." Sarcasm seemed to be Ben's default setting. "Well, unfortunately for you, I have plans." 

"Oh." Callum said, failing to hide the disappointment in his voice. The room fell into an uncomfortable silence as Ben noticed his despondency. 

"As much as I do love our weekly tea parties." Ben's annoyingly addictive cheerfulness had managed to fill the unbearable silence that had taken over the room, making Callum's lips turn into the smallest smile. It was small, yes. But genuine. God, he hadn't done that in ages. 

"How are you busy, anyways? Who's buying cars during a _war?_ " Callum had began looking around the car lot, at it's walls and how they were so plain, yet so full of interest. Callum couldn't quite decide on what to do with his thoughts in that moment. 

His smile had quickly evaporated at the realisation that he would soon have to return back to the same walls and door and windows as before. 

"You'd be surprised." Ben placed his pen completely on the table and stood up. 

Callum couldn't quite understand it. How a person could be so obvious yet so closed off. The man talked and talked, and yet he feels like he knows absolutely nothing about him. But that could just be because he _doesn't know him_.

"I would say I'd see you later, but after out previous encounters I don't think you'll be wanting to see much more of me." Ben walked to the door, not in a sense of rush, just a gesture that in a way seemed polite. 

"You'd be surprised." Callum repeated, walking towards him and opening the door to the car lot himself.

As soon as he stepped out the door and Ben had leaned out and closed it, leaving Callum on his own in a coldness that shouldn't have been for half past one in the afternoon, he immediately mentally kicked himself for not doing enough. 

Why didn't he press into what plans Ben had? Why didn't he ask if that was his car lot? Why didn't he just ask how his fucking day was? Something so simple that could have given him a few extra minutes. 

But at the same time, he hated himself for asking so many goddamn questions. Hell, Ben had even said it himself. 

_"There's no need to be all serious."_

He was thinking too much into it. Again. This man was a complete stranger. One who had stolen his ration book, one who was just so off, so different from anyone he's ever met. And not only that, but he was _queer._ A thief and a homosexual. The man was practically asking for prison. 

Prison was something Callum had thought a ridiculous amount into. And naturally, he decided suppressing this side of him would be significantly more beneficial to him than brutal incarceration. Nothing about the idea appealed to him, it never had. But that doesn't mean that living his life this way was exactly his cup of tea either. It's just unfortunate it was the easiest of the two options. 

—

"There's a _theme?_ " Callum said as he dramatically dropped himself onto the sofa next to Mary.

"Yes, Callum. A theme." 

"What does that even mean?"

"It _means_ you'll have to dress accordingly to the theme that the host has set." She replied, leaning over to rest her head on his shoulder, making Callum freeze slightly at the gesture. 

"And the theme is?" 

"Flowers." 

Callum looked down at her, dismayed. "How can flowers be a party theme?" 

"As in you integrate flowers into your outfit, Callum. It's not too difficult to understand." She looked up at him, his voice altering into a light, jest tone. "Even for you." 

She smiled and got up from her place on the sofa. When she had left, Callum allowed himself to relax into the seat, sighing heavily through his nose. He had two hours to somehow think of a way to incorporate the theme into his suit for tonight.

 _Fucking flowers?_ He thought to himself. _Really?_

—

He had gone basic. Which Mary had hated and completely failed to hide as she eyed her husband's clothing up and down before saying, "Is that it?" 

"What's wrong with it?" He asked, offended as he stood in the middle of their bedroom, arms raised slightly to make an attempt to put himself on show.

" _Callum._ "

The suit was an ordinary, black and white attire with a plain, unpigmented blouse, dark dress trousers and a coal coloured blazer. The only thing that stood out was the pathetic attempt of incorporating a flower theme, which were the three small, light blue aconitums that were tucked away into the breast pocket of his blazer. 

"What?" He asked again. "You said-"

" I _said_ integrate the flowers, Cal!" She almost yelled, her voice filled with genuine shock and disappointment in how dense her own husband could be. "People will talk. I mean, what will they say?"

"What did you expect? You gave me this fucking theme in such short notice." 

"Where did you even get these from?" She asked, stepping forward to touch the flowers delicately.

"I may have... erm. Picked them from Jaqueline's front garden."

"Callum! Not Jackie's garden!" She should have been angry, but her mortification had turned into a surprise that had made her start uncomfortable laughing. "I can't believe you've done that!" 

Callum stood there confused, watching his wife laugh at his stupidity. "Do you want me to change?" 

"No, actually, I don't." She managed to say as her laughing died down. "Fuck it. Let them talk." 

They stood there for a moment. Mary bathing in the silence surrounding a rare, content moment. Callum wishes he could make it like this all the time. 

"At least I'm _ready_." He stated as he sat on the edge of their bed. 

"Almost done." She said as she proceeded to walk out of the room and into the bathroom next to it. 

About twenty minutes of him sitting on the bed, Callum had decided that Mary was not almost done. He stood and walked to the bathroom door an knocked on it gently. "Mary?" 

"Sorry." She replied. "Come in." And so Callum did, opening the door and eyes immediately setting on her. 

Her dress was an graceful red, the bodice all the way down to the skirt. From the arms down to the waist there were small imprinted, slightly darker red flowers, which were displayed with an intricate amount of delicately placed series of sequins and glitter. The dress was undeniably beautiful as it was, but it's fabric had framed her so well, that Callum couldn't find the words- or even the correct movements to react. The skirt of the dress stopped at her toes, somehow making her overall figure look taller, compelling. 

She was a picture, and she looked _powerful_. 

"Well?" She spoke when Callum wouldn't, nervousness clear in her voice as she awaited a reaction. 

"You're going to make me look such a twat tonight." 

—

The room was dim and there were so many people, Callum had convinced himself that no one would even bother to look at him. Or so he hoped. The three flowers were still on display, and he was extremely aware of it.

His eyes were perplexed at the bright fabrics and glamorous patterns that filled the faintly lit room, and it was enough to make Callum feel pointless. He wasn't sure why he was there in the first place, but now he served Mary no purpose showing up with no effort. 

Five seconds there was all it took for him to fight the urge to scream that he wanted to leave. 

But that was until, amongst the crowds of intense shades, Callum's eyes found something more stunning than the rest. The sight him feel his limbs cease completely as he felt himself lose all feeling in his toes for a split second, through it felt like he had been standing there centuries. 

_Of course he had to fucking be here._

"Isn't that the man who showed up at our last week?" Mary's voice drew him from his trance as he ripped his eyes away. "What did you say his name was?"

"Ben." 

He looked back at the man and set his eyes fully on him and it was like he had been painted in a beautiful shade of crimson, shining out like a hot, blazing fire in the darkness. Everything about his appearance in that moment sucked Callum in and made it feel like there wasn't a single possibility he could look away. From the cherry coloured blazer hugging ever inch of his torso, to that look of his face. He was somehow pulling off the most distinguished smile, so serious yet to carefree. 

A realisation that Ben could easily shift his eyes to the crowd and land his eyes on Callum hit him suddenly as he felt his forehead thicken with a layer of cold sweat. _He had to get out of here._

"Give me five minutes. I have to use the bathroom." The lie was pathetic, typical, but reliable. 

"Callum, we've only just got here." 

"Mary, _please_." He sounded frustrated, not allowing any desperation to escape through his voice.

"Whatever. I should have fucking known you would do something like this." She said, each word hitting Callum hard, loud and venomous. 

She stormed off into the crowd behind him, leaving a ghost of cold air by Callum's side. He didn't leave himself a moment to care though, as the panic of even speaking to Ben tonight had fully sank in. He walked off in the opposite direction swiftly towards the toilets by the bar, not stopping for anything. Or so he had thought. It was when a disgustingly real voice shot Callum like a bullet to the chest, that made him stop completely in his tracks. 

"Callum?" 

He just couldn't have gotten out of this easy, could he? This evening was supposed to be simple, an agonising yet typical night out with Mary that Callum could get through by just nodding along all throughout the night. But no, Ben had to come in and change _everything._

He turned and plastered on a very fake mask of surprise as his eyes locked with Ben's, "Oh, hello." 

"Didn't expect to see you here." Ben crossed his arms over his chest in such a smug way that Callum wasn't even sure if he was telling the truth. "They do say it's a small world." 

"Yeah." He made sure to make his voice sound low, almost bored to just give Ben a hint. He caught it as he became conscious of the situation. 

"Going so soon? It's only just started." He said, a laugh threatening to emerge from every word. Because that's what Ben's perspective of life seemed to be, a joke. 

"Sorry to disappoint." Callum's lips formed a straight, tight smile. He felt like he was going to be sick. 

And then Callum broke their eye contact as he watched a woman's hand come from behind Ben to touch his arm and wrap around it delicately. 

Her hair was short and dark, curling up to sit perfectly on her shoulders. She was only just shorter than Ben, wearing a light purple dress which, of course, had a layer of carefully placed black flower petals down the side. 

"Who's this?" The woman said. She sounded light and blissful as her eyes traveled up and down Callum's appearance.

Ben looked startled, like he didn't actually know who Callum was to him. And if he was honest, Callum wasn't sure either. 

"An acquaintance." He sounded confident in his voice, but his eyes screamed, _can I even go as far to say that?_

Callum forced a smile in response. "I was about to ask the same. I don't think we've met?" He reached out to offer a handshake, and he hoped she'd accept. Anything to stop her own hand from being locked to Ben's arm. 

_God, he shouldn't be thinking like this._

"We haven't." Her hand left Ben's side to accept Callum's handshake. "I'm Valerie." 

"Nice to meet you." He sounded much more pleasant than he felt. 

"Right, I'm off to have a chat with a few people from work." Her stare left Callum's face to look at Ben's. "Don't miss me too much." 

Callum could almost laugh. She had his sense of humour, for a moment there he almost felt like he had been talking to a female version of Ben. He watched her walk away and into a small group of people where she immediately began talking and smiling, like these types of events with small talk and fake laughter were natural to her. 

"Very creative." Ben spoke again, smirking and pointing to the three flowers tucked into Callum's breast pocket. 

"Piss off." From a closer distance, he could see the small embroidered maroon lobelias traced down the collar of his blazer, just adding to the beauty of it all. 

"I like it." Callum said, gesturing to Ben's more appropriate attire. 

"Yeah? I feel like I should have gone more extreme. Like, full Marie Claire with a dress made out of real flowers."

Callum's laugh was sudden, almost taking him aback. It was something he definitely didn't think he would be doing that evening. 

"Burgundy suits you just fine." 

"Is there any way I can convince you to let me get you a drink?" Ben said. He sounded genuinely hopeful. 

Callum debated silently to himself. It's not like he could just leave Mary here anyways. It could just be a way to past some time. 

" _Fine_." He replied, exaggerated as if he had anywhere else to be. 

"So, Valerie?" He let the curiosity get the better of him as they took two seats by the bar. "You two seem..." 

"You know how it is. You have a wife, may I remind you." 

"So you're here together?" Callum said, ignoring the pang of jealousy that hit him right in the heart. 

"It can't be helped." Ben's features switched slightly to something Callum was yet to see since they met. Sadness? Disappointment? He couldn't quite put his finger on it. 

"Anyway." Ben said, the look on his face disappearing instantly. Whatever the emotion was, it had left in under a second, reminding Callum that he did not know Ben at _all._ "I need to ask you something." 

"Deja Vu." Callum said, referring to their first meeting when Ben had attempted to steal his rations. 

"Very funny." Ben grinned at the joke and looked down. "I was just wondering if you were up for a... job." 

"A job?" 

"Yes. well. I ran a business, you see." 

"Yeah, you've said." Callum smiled. "Unless you've forgotten I spent a good ten minutes in your car lot today." 

"Right." Ben replied, his voice suddenly serious. "That's not all I do, really." 

Callum leaned back in his stool, crossing his arms. He definitely didn't like where it was going this time. 

"It ain't illegal, is it?" Callum said, sounding a bit more innocent than he preferred. 

Ben sat there, silent. Callum searched his eyes for any hints whatsoever, but getting nothing but worry off of Ben's features.

"It's slightly illegal." 

" _Ben._ " Callum said, his voice thick with frustration. 

"It's one job. I'm running low on men, with everything going on." 

"No, just no. I don't want to hear anymore." Callum mentally kicked himself for letting himself think that this could have just been a _drink._

"You're hardly innocent, Callum." Ben said, he himself suddenly becoming irritated. "I mean, do I really need to fucking remind you that you're a walking crime?" 

"Keep your voice down, you idiot." Callum shifted in his seat, looking around anxiously.  
"I don't even fucking know you." 

"Really? You seemed to find yourself pretty welcome at the Arches today." 

Callum fell silent. He knew he should have never gone there. It was a mistake letting Ben even become a _thought_. 

"Fuck you." Callum spat before standing from his seat and dramatically pushing it in towards the bar. "This is the last you'll be hearing from me."

"That's perfectly fine with me." Ben turned to glare at him. "You ain't worth the hassle." 

Callum turned and walked back into the crowd with such speed he had hit multiple people and almost fell over on his way to Mary. 

"We have to go." He said, loud.

"What? Callum don't be ridiculous." She laughed anxiously as she turned to a group of her friends, who were now starring at the couple.

"We're _going._ " He said again, his voice urgent but stern.

"Seriously, Cal? What is it this time?" 

"Just-" He took his eyes off her for a second to look back at the crowds of concerned faces gawping his way before looking back at her with desperation in every one of his features. "Please." 

She stared back, confused, before turning to the idled group behind her. "Sorry." She smiled apologetically and took Callum by the hand, practically dragging him out of the building. 

"What's going on? Seriously." She asked as soon as they stepped out into the street. 

"I don't want to talk about it."

She scoffed in his direction before angrily trudging towards their car and getting in. With a slam of the door, Callum followed and got into the passenger seat. 

"To be frank, Callum. I don't _care_ if you don't want to talk about it. You've just embarrassed me in front of my friends, hell, my colleagues! So no, you don't have the option to not talk about it right now." 

"I'm sorry." 

"You're _sorry?_ " She turned to glare at him. "Oh, well that's fucking fine then." 

"Why do you care anyway? It's not like it was exactly thrilling in there." He sunk into his seat and looked away from her glare. "You should be thanking me. I did you a favour." 

She let out a loud laugh of complete disbelief. "These parties are the only escape I get from sitting in that fucking house. It's the only escape I get from _you._ "

"Why do you bring me then? If I'm something you need to escape from?" 

"How do you think it will look, Callum? If I show up without my husband? People will talk." She started the car up and began driving away from the party. 

"All you care about is what people think." Callum shifted up in his seat. "It's not right." 

"I'm fucking sorry for being the only one in this marriage that _cares_." 

He didn't know what to say to that. Mostly because she was right. He didn't care, not a single bit. He didn't care about his job, he didn't care about these parties or the people, and he most definitely did not care about his wife. 

The air in the car fell silent. It was uncomfortable and it made Callum want to scream. And it remained that way the entire way home. 

—

Silent. 

The entire house was a gripping silence that filled every room. Each hour Callum sat there that evening became more agonising by the second, but it made him think. 

What is he _doing?_

He just didn't care anymore, and it was getting repetitive. 

His thoughts spiralled further and left traces of an idea behind. It was reckless and sinful and just so wrong. And yet Callum found himself relying onto _anything_. 

This was something, and Callum wasn't going to give himself the chance to let it slip away.

The next thing he knew he was standing outside the dimly lit car lot with his fist knocking gently on the blind-covered window of the door. It only took a few seconds for Callum to get an answer. 

With a swift swing of the door, it opened to reveal a slightly intoxicated Ben standing in the doorway.

"How did you-" Ben stopped himself and blinked slowly, his eyes adjusting to the man standing in front of him. "What are you doing here?" 

Callum looked into Ben's eyes, shining even in the slight darkness of the cold night. There was hope there, and although he didn't know what for, it gave Callum the slightest fragment of aspiration. But it was enough.

With a deep, long breathe in through his nose, he spoke back into the dimness despite the strong smell of liquor that his hit nose. His voice was strong, determined. And it did not leave an ounce of uncertainty as his words crept out into the thick, winter air. 

"I'm in."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know how i feel about this one ...

**Author's Note:**

> That was chapter one! Sorry it's a bit short, the next one will be longer and Ben may even be introduced..
> 
> I know i've written Callum extremely different here, but I promise it'll be worth it.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
